


Lily Colored Guilt

by chillydown



Category: Magical Girl Raising Project, 魔法少女育成計画 | Mahou Shoujo Ikusei Keikaku | Magical Girl Raising Project (Anime)
Genre: Blood and Violence, Gen, Nightmares, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 05:04:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20687960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chillydown/pseuds/chillydown
Summary: Eventually, Koyuki cried herself to sleep. But as she did, body heaving with sobs, one thought resounded through her head: this was all your fault.





	Lily Colored Guilt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rubylily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubylily/gifts).

It first started when Nemurin died. As the rest of the magical girls gathered around to listen as Fav explained what happened when a magical girl lost her powers, Koyuki couldn’t help but think about her friend. She didn’t really know the girl, but Nemurin was just so kind. She was helpful, sweet, and deserved so much better than what happened to her. She shouldn’t have died!

In the back of her mind, a small little part of Koyuki thought that it really wasn’t fair that Nemurin died and everybody else was still alive. But she ignored that voice as she returned to listen to Fav.

The night after La Pucelle died, Koyuki didn’t sleep. She tried to sleep. She had school the next morning, so she tried to at least get a few hours of sleep. But every time she closed her eyes, she saw her friend’s face in her mind. She heard La Pucelle’s voice ringing through her head as she gripped the pillow to her head, as if that could muffle his voice.

“I want to be your knight.”

Not Souta. Anyone but him. If somebody had to die, then there were other magical girls out there, people who Koyuki didn’t know at all. There were people like those girls who worked with Ruler, who did things like stealing magical candies. Why didn’t one of them die? At least they deserved it more than him!

What should have been an idle thought instead shook Koyuki to her core. No. She’s a magical girl now. And...and magical girls don’t think that other magical girls should die. They protect people, even the ones who might not deserve protecting. She should be the one to die for thinking something like that! She should have been the one to die anyway. After all, Souta was protecting her. She should have stayed behind to protect him, to stop whatever happened from happening. At least if she stayed behind she could have been by his side.

Eventually, Koyuki cried herself to sleep. But as she did, body heaving with sobs, one thought resounded through her head: this was all your fault.

The nightmares continued. Sometimes it was seeing Souta, watching helplessly as La Pucelle died in all sorts of equally gruesome manners. Sometimes it was seeing Alice, watching helplessly as that other magical girl decapitated her and as Alice’s head turned to look up at Snow White. Sometimes it was just blood. She was covered in blood,how it got there she didn’t know, but Koyuki knew that it was Souta’s and Alice’s and her own as well.

“Geez Koyuki, you look awful,” her friends said, concern in their voice. “Had a bad night?”

“You should get more sleep, pon!” Fav chirped to her one evening. “You can’t gather magical candies if you’re tired like that!”

But how could she sleep when Alice’s body flashed through her mind whenever she closed her eyes? Or when the thoughts of all those people she couldn’t save rang through her mind? After all, she and Alice tried. But they were just two girls against what had to be an outright terrorist attack. That attack on the freeway killed more people than two girls could save.

Huh, Koyuki thought, as she raced back to her parents’ house. I can still smell burnt flesh.

It was amazing how even though it was the first time she thought something like that, the thought passed through her mind like it was something she thought every day. The smell lingered in her nostrils for the rest of the night, only to be overwhelmed by the metallic scent of blood when she found Alice’s dying body.

This was all her fault. Souta, Alice, they both died because of her. She should have protected them better. It didn’t matter what they thought--she was a failure of a magical girl. If she was better at her job, they’d still be alive.

By the time she caught up to Ripple and watched the other girl drag herself to her feet, eye and arm missing from the fight with Swim Swim, Snow White was just numb. Even when there were just three of them left, someone would be hurt. She should have gotten there earlier. She should have done something.

But all she did was sit and watch as Ripple attacked Fav’s master terminal with that halberd. Snow White might have been a failure. She couldn’t save any of the magical girls. But at least, she hoped, this would prevent some new magical girls from being recruited.

They’d be safer that way, anyway. It’s best they don’t deal with her.


End file.
